guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
