i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
