i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
