Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
