Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
