I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
