Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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