Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
