woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
