i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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