The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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