That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
