I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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