You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize