she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize