On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
