Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize