Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
birth control should be required to get into college
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize