piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
