The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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