I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
