don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
