saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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