Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
