We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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