If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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