It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
