I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
did i walk over a car last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
