so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
