So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
