are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
