No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
