Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
