I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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