Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
