please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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