We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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