apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
