my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
