I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
