Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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