Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
That's when you crack a 10am beer
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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