Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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