yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
