Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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