So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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