Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Found your dick twin last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
