dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
