I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
