Umm I'm too high to move.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize