I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
