Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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