I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
