Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
