Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize