normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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