i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
