I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
