The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
