yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
