btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
