I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
