for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
