If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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